Day Before Yesterday

The day before yesterday (I know, I know: Two days ago; why didn’t she write her blog then? Just wait; all will be revealed) I promised my body that I would not force it up that thigh burning, calf crunching Paddock #1. We, my body and I, were going to take the day off and just observe the stock from the road.

To celebrate I put on my formal farm wear – purple wellies, ironed khaki scrub pants and rust-colored T-shirt with “Santa Fe, New Mexico” emblazoned across the back. Project Runway, are you listening? I am available. Then I strolled nonchalantly down to view the ram and ewe. On the way, I noted that one of the lambs was awfully close to the fence between Paddock #1 and Paddock #2. It even seemed as if she were caught in the stile. Couldn’t be. Not even a sheep could be that stupid.

So I did my daily staring contest with the ram. He won as usual. But both he and the ewe seemed to still be flystrike free. Back up the road and sure enough the lamb was still plastered to the fence. I called out repeatedly, hoping that she would bolt away from me. All the other sheep ran like blazes. But she remained stuck in the stile. So I had to go in. It was a struggle to force myself to climb over the first gate but nothing compared to the second one.

While I had to climb the first gate, the second can be opened but only by pulling back the wood planks that hold both sides of the gate in place. Did I remember to tell you that it had rained the night before? Well, it had. Given that this is New Zealand, you could almost bet on it raining at any time. When it rains, wood swells. This makes pulling planks almost impossible. I finally did it but managed to ding up my hands a bit and lost a nail. Still, I had 9 more.

I approach the paddock. I call out again. Still no movement. Miraculously both other paddocks are suddenly devoid of sheep. They have vanished over the hills and far away. I sigh and start slogging up Mt. Everest yet again. I keep calling. The lamb keeps not moving. When I am almost within reach, the lamb suddenly darts away and gambols up the hill. I can hear sheep snickers all around me. Suddenly I am not so conflicted about filling the chest freezer with lamb chops.

Later that afternoon, I figure I have to start the weeding and clipping in the side yard. If you look at the picture at the top of this blog, I am referring to the area on the left. We are having a birthday barbeque for Yael on Sunday and hopefully it won’t rain (ha, ha, ha) and we can all eat outdoors. So I pull myself away from the game I’m playing on my computer and change into my green scrub pants – grass stains show less on them.

Now, I am lazy. In fact, many years ago scientists formulated a theorem around me. It goes something like “A body at rest tends to stay at rest”. That’s me! But I love Yael and don’t want to disappoint her so off I go, clippers in hand. I am inching my way along the fence (you can see the uprights in the picture). Now it doesn’t look far down from the upper lawn to the lower paddock but looks are deceiving. That is tall grass down there. And it is pretty far down as I discover when I drop the clippers over the side and down into the mass of weeds.

I try to retrieve them but can’t reach those clippers. So around the fence I go. And then I try to remember where I dropped them. I think I have the general area since it must be somewhere near where the weeding ended. I am groping around in the weeds and reach one hand out to steady myself on one of the log uprights.

Unfortunately that upright is occupied. I become an intimate acquaintance of the wasps whose home it is. They are not pleased that I dropped in unannounced. And that is why I had to wait two days to write my blog. I was waiting for the swelling in my hand to go down.